Czech couples and financial infidelity

Although many Czechs still opt for joint finances when tying the knot, keeping that arrangement is not always easy. Money is a thorny issue in many marriages and sooner or later people start putting something on the side that is theirs alone and their partner doesn’t know about. In this weeks edition of Çzech Life DL looks at joint accounts and secret piggybanks.

Photo: Ivan Prole / freeimages

Thirty, forty years ago having a joint account in marriage was the done thing. Separate finances would have indicated a lack of trust and a lack of unity. Moreover, before 1989 people married young and had children early. The husband would bring home his monthly salary which he would hand over to the wife and which she would be expected to make do with for living expenses. As a rule she would be answerable to her husband for expenditures and while in some families holidays and big purchases would be decided together, very often the man as the breadwinner would have the final say. If the woman wanted to buy anything extra she would have to find ways to save money from her monthly family budget. Sociologist Jirina Siklova says this practice goes back a long way.

“In the days when the man was the breadwinner the family finances would be under his control but even in those days the woman would be able to save something for a rainy day. She would sell eggs on the market or some other produce to make a little money on the side that her husband would not know about.”

Today people entering into marriage are used to managing their own finances and giving up that freedom is not always easy. According to a poll conducted by TNS AISA a third of married couples in this country have secret accounts that their partner does not know about. Another poll suggests that close to half of married Czechs keep part of their income secret from their partner –i.e. they do not admit to having been given a raise or making extra money. Jirina Siklova says the need for some degree of financial independence is natural.

“Well, of course if a man were to say he’d got a rise in salary it would be expected that he should contribute more to the household budget. That is why any extra money or unexpected bonuses are often kept secret. Either that or the man will say this is my money because I got a raise. There is nothing unusual in that people want finances that are theirs alone to spend as they will. Women who make money feel the same way – they want money to spend on themselves without feeling guilty that they are spending too much from a joint account. “

Not everyone who opted for a joint account in the early days of wedded bliss is perfectly happy with the solution as time goes by. Either they underestimated the difficulties of joint-decision making when agreeing to merge finances or their partner’s tolerance when it comes to spending money on themselves.

Jiřina Šiklová, photo: Alžběta Švarcová

So they respect the original agreement, but set up a piggy bank on the side and tell the occasional white lie. Fifty-year-old Helen recently told the internet site Novinky.cz that she makes seven thousand crowns more a month than her husband thinks she does –and spends it on herself. When I buy new shoes, I tell my husband they were a bargain and came at half prize and he is happy that I am sensible and do not fritter away our joint savings on fashion. Many women use a similar tactic, which they claim is the secret to a happy marriage. Their husband can admire their new dress, but he need not see the prize tag.

Men usually put money aside to spend on nights at the pub, expensive hobbies – and even more expensive secret relationships. According to a poll conducted by Postovni sporitelna a mistress costs a man a minimum of 20 thousand crowns a year – i.e. on average two and a half thousand crowns a month – if she is exceedingly modest. Forty-five year old Petr confirms this, telling Novinky.cz “When I go on a “business trip” with my secretary I need at least an extra 20 thousand crowns to wine and dine her and buy her gifts. Clearly this cannot come from the family budget.”

Just how much money a partner can squirrel away became obvious in 2012 when it emerged that the former industry and trade minister Martin Kocourek had diverted 16 million crowns to his mother’s bank account to prevent his wife getting part of it within a divorce settlement. His ex-wife must have been a very happy woman when she read the papers that day.

Usually it takes a few years for people who opt for a joint account to start putting money on the side, usually in the wake of frequent rows over spending which they do not want to have to deal with. Another factor is uncertainty regarding their relationship and the need to have a minimum reserve to fall back on in the event of a break-up. Jirina Siklova says this may explain what appears to be a surprising lack of openness and trust stemming from the poll result in question.

“Of course when the relationship is not good the chances are that spending will often lead to rows, with the partners accusing each other of spending far too much money from the joint budget on themselves. But this is an indication that there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship already. You need to keep in mind that 62 percent of all marriages break up and obviously in the last stages of the relationship the couple would not be as open about their finances as they were at the beginning.”

Photo: archive of Radio Prague

According to available statistics 37 percent of married couples still have joint accounts. Some set up a joint account in the early years of marriage –when the woman was on maternity leave for instance - and never bothered to change this. Others, predominantly from the older generation never really considered anything other than a single account. While some people state their need to have independent resources from the very outset, others do not want to hurt their partners by demanding separate finances after years of marriage and eventually set up secret accounts on the side for any extra money they make. According to an ING bank survey it is most commonly people under 30 and over 50 who have accounts their partners are unaware of.

Marriage councilors say that differences over spending are one of the most common reasons for family arguments –and they can lead to serious problems even when they are not linked to secret alimony payments, secret mistresses or gambling. Young people today are advised to seriously discuss their finances ahead of marriage and consider signing pre-marriage contracts in order to prevent future problems. I asked Jirina Siklova what her own financial advice for a married couple would be.

“I am fairly advanced in years, and of the old school, but I believe that a married couple should both contribute to the household expenses and keep a certain amount of money for themselves. Of course it would be good if they could both agree on the big family expenditures. And needless to say, the one who is making more should also contribute more to the household expenses. “