What do you mean teddy hasn’t been?!!
A couple of months ago a Czech firm came up with an idea so wacky, when most people first heard of it, they thought it was something like an April Fool’s joke. The company offers you the opportunity to send no, not your loved ones, but your plush toy (or toys) to Prague. That’s right, toys: stuffed animals, your Paddington Bear or Pink Panther, or worn out teddy from childhood who’s never really ever left home. Now is his or her chance. The idea is so crazy my first reaction was almost ‘I wish I’d thought of that’, after all, it has often been that the most unlikely of business ideas have gone on to see unexpected success!
Obviously, there must be countless people out there who have always regretted not being able to send their favorite little buddy around the world, right? Now, they can, at basic, medium, or premium rates – depending on the service. At the very least, you can have pix of your plush bunny or doggy or plush rat, taken around the best sites in Prague – the Castle, Charles Bridge, without you ever having to leave home. Plus you get a certificate and well… bragging rights in front of all your friends: your Bubu or Bobo or Micki haven’t been to Prague yet? Are you serious? Itchy went last summer and loved it…! He had a picnic in the historic centre with other plush toys, aromatherapy, and spent a night in the Hilton – the same suite that was used by US President Barack Obama when he gave a famous speech in Prague. How many other stuffed animals can say that?
Ok. Let’s face it, that’s about all a stuffed animal owner can really get out of this, right? The bragging rights? That they have money to burn? Or what? I mean, the owner doesn’t get to go anywhere, they stay at home: and when their little chum gets back they can’t even tell them whether they had a good time. Or can they? I guess there is that little voice… the squeaky little voice in your head that you made under the covers when you were alone when you were six. “How was your stay?”
The cynics among us of course went straight for the lowest common denominator when discussing plush toy tourism: I’d send mine to a Czech pub, someone said, or a brothel off Wenceslas Square… but of course the firm is offering visits only in good taste. Only common sense: imagine the debauchery that might otherwise ensue! But Teddy Bear can drink alcohol if you approve and if he likes the stuff. But otherwise it’s all very prim and proper, which somehow seems to make the whole thing even more decadent!
Now, think about it: right now there could be hundreds of teddy bears getting ready to head over as we speak, in specially packed boxes, safety and satisfaction guaranteed. Soon they will descend on Prague and you know what? Some of them may have a better experience than a number of real life tourists (although I don’t think many): unlucky visitors who have been pick-pocketed, or robbed blind by a taxi driver or gotten only sour looks from their waiter and cold, rubbery goulash for lunch. Customer service (although incomparably better than 20, 10, or even 5 years ago and genuinely good or even great in some places) still is not what it should be in tourist traps. That’s what tourist traps are for, and should be avoided. Instead, you should be living it up like Feathers the plush parrot, drinking Czech champagne on the Vltava! After all, he has glass beads for eyes, little more than fluff for a beak and no digestive tract! At least YOU can smell and taste the champagne!
I don’t know… if you really want, if you really, really want to, by all means, send your plush toys to Prague: it’s a trip they’d never forget if only they could remember. I want to see this business succeed! Why shouldn’t it take off? Selling plots of land on the moon did…
My only worry? How long will it be before some tourist sends themselves here in a giant package (inspired by a famous Velvet Underground song); only this time they’d also be dressed in a full-body furry costume, giving those who find him a shock. A giant Octopus (like in Love Actually) or a homemade Garfield who choked on a fur ball from his costume on his way to Prague.
